Alright, so I KNOW that I’m thinking about this too much and it’s getting really annoying to others including myself. And I know that I should just get over it and “let them be” cause that’s what I’m supposed to do. After all, I’m just the “little sister” aren’t I? And since there are already 2 couples, then they haaave to go out so that there are 3 couples and it’s better that they’re together since they’re closer in age and he likes her. Right. Well it’s kind of hard to get over it and to stop thinking about it when they’re everywhere. Seriously, it’s like everywhere I turn there’s a picture of them or they’re talking or someone’s talking about them. Can the world just SHUT UP?
And I know that after this everyone's just going to side with you because I've always been the jealous, bitter bitch. And everyone says "It's just a small crush, you'll get over it" But it's not even about that anymore. I've had to keep myself together so many times and it's so hard to talk about cause nobody wants to hear it anymore. You stand there holding uour head all high and mighty because you've brought me down and you've trampled all over me. Yet on the outside everybody thinks you're just a pretty little perfect angel. I guess now you're better than me when it comes to everything. You've taken away almost everything that means something to me. Congratulations. You think that just because you're older and you know my friends that you're so superior and you can use everything against me. I'm not some obsessed chick who's insanely jealous. I just wish that it wasn't about you two all the effing time. I hate thinking about how everybody will be on your side because you and him are an "item" and eeeeeeeeeeeeeverybody's pulling for you. Nobody freaking understands. And that's what hurts.
ALRIGHT kids, before you jump down my throat and call me a complete BITCH for writing this, let me just say that I warned you to go play Monopoly and paint a picture at the beginning. I'm human. I have a sister. I'm GOING to get angry. Is it fair that I'm forced to keep all of this bottled inside? I'll apologize if I offended you in any way, but I will not apologize for my feelings. I don't feel like this all the time. Sometimes I'm really happy but other times I feel like complete shit, and when I do feel crappy, I need somewhere to let it out.
Even though she was nice, I didn't understand why people couldn't see how horrible she was and I wondered why people liked her. But I thought about it and I guess the reason why people are friends with you is cause they're aware that you mess up shit in your life, but they've decided to look past your imperfections and accept you for the good that you are. People don't befriend you because you're a bitch, they do because they liked something about you. Either you've never been a bitch to them or you have. But the reason why you stay friends is because they're okay with that. And if my friends have done that for me, it's understandable that they do that for her.
These past few days have just been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Up and down, high and low. Sometimes it's tough having to deal with all that in such a short amount of time. Everything just piles on. After I've figured out my problem with feeling left out, BAM suddenly I constantly feel like second best. And then BAM Christmas feels crummy and all the little things just add up until there's nothing in me to hold it in any longer. I've done a lot of crying and it's not a lot at one time, but it's short but with many intervals. And I don't mind because crying reminds me that I'm just a girl. And that it's going to be okay.
*Sorry my writing was absolutely horrible in this post, but I just needed to write SOMETHING even if it did come out bad.*
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end."
http://www.formspring.me/julielinh
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