School. Friends. Life.

DAMN, does time fly. Tomorrow's my last day of summer and it feels as if it were yesterday that I was crying snot dripping tears on the last day of school. I don't know if I can write this blog without crying cause I'm already starting to feel tears well up in my eyes, but I'm gonna try. So lately I've been thinking about this whole thing about 'change' and how it HAS to happen and how it's inevitable. I know it obviously has to happen, but I don't want it to.
I registered for school today. I didn't get any of the classes I wanted since I was a late transfer. I wanted Honors English, Bio, Algebra2/Trig. What did I end up getting? English 1, CollegePrep PhysScience, and Geometry [again]. I can't get into Honors English at all, if someone drops out of Bio, THEN I can get in, and I have to take a placement test to get into Algebra 2. This is so complicated. If only I lived in Tustin. That way, I'll be guaranteed to get into the classes I want.
I have no friends right now, and I just REALLY want someone to be there that I can cry to. I need a best friend cause right now, I have nobody. This pains me more than anything in the world, being alone right now. Crap, I just started crying. I can text my friends in a heartbeat and they’ll be there to comfort me and listen to my problems, but none of them can actually understand and like I said, it’s not their fault. I just wish there was someone who would actually physically be here who GETS what I’m trying to say.
My friend Cindy, who goes to the same church as me, is a junior and she also goes to FV and I love her to pieces. She’s such a great person and friend, but I don’t just wanna dump all my problems on her for her to deal with.
Whoever said that they don’t need friends is wrong. I used to say it myself. I said that because I was afraid to admit that I desperately DID need friends, so I just told myself that I was well and comfy to function without friends. But I was so incredibly stupid. Now I’ll admit it. I’ll shout it. I’ll announce it to the whole entire world. I NEED A FRIEND. I’m desperate for a soul who will be there for me and help me through my stupid freshman year of high school.
Most people just waltz through the high school gates acting as if they’re the shit just cause they can finally consider themselves high school students. But I’m not gonna do that. I’m gonna be honest and truthful and admit to you right now that I’m scare shitless. I don’t wanna do this, I can’t do this. It’s scary, it’s frightening. I mean yea, it’s freakin awesome, but on the inside I’m being ripped and torn into pieces. Everyday I drift away from my friends, knowing that with every hour and second that goes by, I won’t know what goes on in their lives like I used to. We can’t gossip and complain together. I’m afraid of being myself around people cause they don’t know all sides of me and they might not accept me for who I am or something like that… of course I’m not gonna be fake, but I’m just idk, worried? It feels so weird typing all of this cause I’m usually SUPER social and I’m never afraid to talk to people, but I guess it’s just different this time. I won’t know if I’m choosing the right friends to hang out with, but I've got to give people a chance if I want a chance from them as well.
ASDFGHJKL I just had a conversation with Cindy. She just made me cry. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone as inspirational and encouraging as her. I’m sitting here moping and sulking while there is MUCH more than being in an honors class. Though I would much rather prefer to take classes that are challenging for me, taking a regular class isn’t the end of the world.
Haha, that was weird…I started writing this blog to write about how I hate school and how life isn’t fair cause I didn’t get things my way, but I think I’ve made a big improvement. I’m looking at high school a little more brightly. I’m still in the process of finding my best friend, but that always takes time.
My mood has definitely changed and I’m so glad cause I REALLY did not want to start high school pissed off and angry. LOL
FVHS, here I come…Go Barons…? :)

PS. I know that my life’s not ruined and that life messes up, but it continues to go on. And that's something we all kinda have to deal with whether we like it or not