You're Beautiful, Every Little Piece Love.

Tribute to Livejournal, BFFs, Fairytales, Crying

I haven't had an informal post ever since my Livejournal! I kinda miss that. On my blogspot, everything just has to be so.. perfect. And that's just boring. Sometimes I feel like I'm narrating my life story on it or something, so for this one entry, I'd like to get creative with this one! And from this sentence on, I will not capitalize.

okay well this is really difficult, but i think i can do it. i hate not capitalizing! it all comes with being a perfectionist..haha
umm school has been good so far. i'm getting closer to some people and i really like that cause i'm like in desperate need of a best friend at school right now.

I can't take this whole not capitalizing thing. I have to concentrate so much on not capitalizing that I lose my train of thought and then there's no point to the blog. Haha, sooo back to correct punctuation and capitalization. :)

As I was saying, not having a best friend just leaves an empty hole in your heart. And I mean that as non dramatically as possible. Most of the time, the feeling remains idle and sometimes you even forget that you're lonely. But once the feeling comes back, it just hits you. It doesn't hit you square in the chest, no. Instead it aims directly at your heart and the thought over powers your mind. And the thing that sucks is that no matter how big or how small the hole in your heart is, nothing can ever replace what was once there.

I really need someone I can spill everything to WHENEVER I need to. I need that someone who will exclusively be there for me while I'm always there for them as well. And I don't mean being clingy, but I mean being loyal and reliable. I want to always be able to rely on my best friend for help and advice. But so far, all the people I thought could be my best friend are too busy or already have another best friend. It really sucks.

And it's not like I'm not still best friends with people from CTMS, it's just that I wish there was someone who would come to all my clubs with me and walk around with me when I needed it. I really miss that. Of course I'm awfully thankful for the people I hang out with now, but I just wish there was more. I'm extremely grateful for the people who have accepted me and who talk to me, but they all seem to have something else going for them. I don't know if I have to find a best friend or if they have to come to me, but I sincerely hope it's soon. Cause I don't think I wanna do this anymore. I'm sick of having all these thoughts and emotions bottled up with no one to turn to. So where do I go? Here. I blog as often as I can cause it makes me feel so light and relieved when I blog.

I feel like [almost] everything is taken off my shoulders and I can just RELAX and be chill and not have to worry about stuff. As I type this, I feel like my problems are seeping through my fingertips. And that's why I like writing so much. Cause everything comes out; I never hold back on what I'm saying and I love it. It sucks when I stop writing cause then the world and my problems just rush back to me and I realize that life isn't your own story book. You can't just make it a fairy tale and put The End on the last page. There is no the end. There's an end when you die, but that's a whole different story.

You see, I don't believe in The End. I mean obviously, it's the end if the story's over, but it's not like..THE END. You know? Cause in Snow White, she kills the witch and rides off with Prince Charming [He is SO ungly in Snow White] and they live happily ever after. Uh, well shit that's stupid. Obviously they're gonna have problems. The Little Mermaid [Best Disney movie ever] She kills Ursula and gets her wish to live with Prince Eric [Does anyone else realize she gets married at 16?] and again, they live happily ever after. WROOOOOONG. In The Little Mermaid 2, she had issues with her daughter. Happy forever? No. And don't tell me like, it's a FAIRYTALE, it's a DISNEY movie. Yea, I know. I like Disney movies and I like their storylines and all that. I just don't like how a fairytale love and a realistic love are put in the same category. Cause obviously, in fairytales you do whatever the fuck you want and still get whatever you want in the end. But if we're being realists here, one mistake and your whole relationship could possibly go down the drain.

It's just that..idk love is such a rocky subject for me to talk about cause I'm so bipolar with it and I have so many different opinions about it. I don't understand it, but right now I'm really glad I don't cause I don't want to. But I mean, if two people are in love and think they're going to stay in love for the rest of their lives, then sure. That's awesome and I'm genuinely happy for them, but if you're like a 13 year old and you update your Facebook statuses to say that you're married to your girlfriend, then THAT is when I wanna smack some shit into you. Things like that are what make me hate fairytale love stories. Like heeeellooo, you're gonna break up in like a month anyway. What're you make your status next? Buying furniture for the new house? Uh huh. Yea.

Anyway, today someone told me that this guy's dad just walked out on the family yesterday and in 2 days it was the guy's birthday. And he started crying. And she was like you gotta suck it up sometimes! And seriously, I just wanted to be like, What the fuck are you talking about?! His DAD just walked out on him 2 fucking days before his birthday and you're telling him to fucking suck it up?! What kind of fucking friend are you told fucking be that heartless and tell someone that. I'd be fucking crying my eyes out if I were him and he fucking has the balls to tell you about that, so don't you think he wants a little comfort here? He doesn't want some bitch like you to tell him to get the hell over it, etc etc etc. And I was like wow, crying's good for you though..And she's like noo you always have to smile! And I'm like no, crying helps you express the emotions your mouth could never say. And she's just like but smiling makes you look pretty! And I'm like WOW. SHUT THE fuck UP. Like okay, smiling is good and you should always smile, but there comes a point where it's all fake. Most of the people who smile are putting on a mask. They're hiding whatever the hell it is deep down inside that's killing them. So you're telling them to smile all the time? You WANT them to hide all the shit they're going through? To bottle it all up so that it just kills them some more? Kay, real smart. I'm not saying to be emo either, I just think that when you cry, it's a great thing. Crying helps you get through so much and it makes you a feel a lot better in the long run.

Idk, I just have this very strong feeling about crying.. I could talk on for hours about why it's such a great thing to cry when you need it, but it's kind of 4am right now and I kinda wanna get to bed before everyone else wakes up..haha. And I know I was supposed to make this post cute and colorful and creative and uncapitalized, but I couldn't do it. When I write about stuff that's on my mind, I just don't stop and now I don't have any time to go back and color or bold or italicize anything. And I got pretty off topic from talking about friends and love to crying..But that's okay, that's how all my blogs are :) Plus, this blog took me like 10 days to write. I started on the 30th and finally finished on the 8th..haha oh gosh.

I freaking love the smell of Febreeze. Crud, got a lotta math homework tomorrow. I'm smittenn! Oh and just one more topiccc, have you ever looked at someone and thought, Jesus Christ, you're beautiful. Like, before they were just a person, but then you got to know them and then suddenly whenever you look at them, you have to gather your breath before you begin speaking. Okay, well not THAT much, but just..looking at their face just makes you happy..That's the only way I can put it..haha And like whenever you look or talk to them, you just wanna scream YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. That's all. :)

I meant to keep this post short, but I always mean to keep my posts short. And they always turn out super long. Haha, but anyway I'm kinda tired. Goodnight!

XXX, Julie