Single Life

Today we went to the beach and just hung out. Played volleyball and made S’mores and asked each other out and etc. I wasn’t really into volleyball today for some reason though. Maybe cause Tom hates me or because I just don’t work well on the sand. But ugh I’m sore and I feel like an old lady! I kinda wish there were more people and I wish we did more stuff there. I also wish that I could have walked on the beach by myself; that would have been amazing thinking time for me. Oh well, maybe next time.

The single life…It’s, well, single. Several people have asked me why I don’t go out there and get a boyfriend. BACK IT UP. Okay, how the hell do you go “get” a boyfriend. You’re making it sound as if I’m supposed to drive out to Stater Boys and choose one for thirteen bucks. It’s not that easy and I apologize that I have not found “true love” as you and your significant other (of uh what, 8 months?) have. Alright someone enlighten me: what is so wonderful about being in a relationship? Besides the feelings and the lovey dove BLAH ness, what else is there? I mean I don’t know about you, but whenever I think about relationships, I begin to think about stress. Are you acting stupid? Do you look okay? Are you saying the right things? People worry about all of this stuff once they get into a relationship and I just don’t get it…It’s not supposed to be that way. You’re not supposed to be fretting about all the little details, you’re just supposed to be together. Maybe for others it’s different, but that’s how I feel. If I ever have a boyfriend, I’d want to feel completely comfortable around him. I wouldn’t want to worry about perfectly structuring every sentence before it utters from my mouth. I’d just want to be able to speak my mind around him and talk to him like a best friend and not worry about when he’s going to kiss me and just freaking let it happen. I guess some people like doing things like freak out and overanalyze everything about their relationship, so maybe that’s why it works out for them. Maybe it’s because what I want is expecting “too much” from someone. Maybe it’s plain and simple: nobody likes me. Maybe it’s because I’m a goody goody two shoes. Maybe it’s because I push away anyone who might be slightly interested in me. Maybe there is no guy like that who exists. Or MAYBE, it’s because I’m just waiting for the one who will prove me wrong.

Oh and for the record, I am perfectly happy being single. I don't have to fret or worry about anything. Maybe I'll be like one of those people who doesn't find anybody until they're like 40 or something. Yea, or I'll just die single. Oh maybe one day I'll eat my words and be swept away by somebody. Someday. Maybe.

My sleeping habits are becoming absolutely terrible! It’s 430 and I haven’t gone to bed yet.. This past week, I’ve been going to sleep past 3. What the heck am I going to do when school rolls around. I’ve already been thinking about homework. Maybe I won’t do the bio extra credit if I run out of time. Dangit, school… It just creeps back into your life again, doesn’t it? But it’s okay, only 10 weeks / 2 and a half months left til I’m OUT of school! Then it’s 2 and a half months of going out and doing everything. Once again, I’m sorry my blog entries are getting worse and worse. On that note, I’m going to go to bed.

Perfect?

So this morning we had a cousin day and we all went out to eat at Red Robin. It was really good and really fun and then when we got back, we were playing on the Wii until Kim had to go and Jeffrey had to go to school. There was hardly any tension and it felt great because it was just like old times. But it wasn’t. I knew that we could smile and laugh all we wanted and that everything will seem okay because that’s how the picture was painted, but truthfully, everyone is far and distant and preoccupied. Nobody had to say it; I could just see it in their eyes. No matter what’s happening and whoever did what, we’re still all family and that’s what’s important. Even if someone did something and screwed up big time, we’re still supposed to be there and support each other.

It makes me so sad when you have someone you used to be able to talk to for hours on end. And then suddenly they’re gone and you’re gone and you can’t even figure out what the hell happened. Really, what did happen? Did I upset you? Are you too busy? I’m sorry, I want to fix whatever I did so that we could be on the same page again, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. Maybe that’s the problem.. Maybe the issue isn’t that we’ve drifted, but that it’s because I’m the one who isn’t trying to talk to you. I’ll try one day and we’ll see how it goes.
PERFECT…have you ever been called that word? Have you ever used that word to describe another human being? There’s just something about calling someone “prefect” that gets SO much on my nerves. I mean sure, I understand that you care about and like someone so much that their flaws are flawless to you, but do you really have to use perfect?

Again, another short post. My apologies. I just really really cannot write anything; I would start and then get distracted and then just slop this together. I'm honestly not proud of it at all, but I'd rather post it than not. Maybe one day when I finally figure out why I'm blogging or what I need to blog about (cause I know there's something, I just can't put my finger on it), it'll be good.

Distracted

Well talk about hectic…I know I haven’t blogged in a really really long time, but that’s cause I now like to express myself through quotes, music, and pictures on Tumblr. But today I felt the need to blog and type. Let me just warn you that I’m going to be jumping from subject to subject since my mind’s thinking about a million different things right now. The familiarity of the keyboard tap tap tapping under my fingers is enough to keep me awake long enough to write this.

I don’t know why everything changes or why people make the decisions they do; maybe it’s because they acted on the moment and didn’t think before they did it. Or maybe they were just tired of what’s been going on and decided to take a risk for once. Unfortunately, all risks either end up being the best thing you ever did or the one thing that effs up your life.

You know what I love? Things that are constant, things that don’t change because that’s seriously number one on my most hated words list. Change. I love the things that will forever be under-appreciated. People will always think of these things as unimportant, but to me, they’ll always be crucial to life. Like reading a book or watching a movie while the rain steadily pitter-patters outside the window. Or writing in your journal endlessly while the song that fits your mood perfectly plays in the background. These are the things that stay the same even if other things don’t. Especially friends. I feel like those are the things in life that change the most; it doesn’t matter if you’ve been friends for the longest time or if you never would have expected it to come, but everybody changes and all that change affects friendships.

Urgh, sorry this post is so short and so unlike me. My mind was just on a lot of different things and I was talking to a bunch of different people. Maybe next time. My blog should no longer be deprived of posts, no matter how short or crappy they are. :)