I usually write my blog entries on my laptop and then copy and paste them onto BlogSpot, but the charger isn't working, so my laptop's dead. ='( Hopefully we can order a new charger and my laptop will be up & running cause I have SO much important crap on there..irreplacable pictures, months worth of blogging, MY FREAKING ITUNES. T__T If the charger is the only problem, then in a way, I'm glad that I don't have access to it at the moment cause I'd rather not sleep at 5am every night and wake up at 5pm every afternoon. My sleep schedule is actually somewhat reasonable (2/3am - 12/1pm).
Summer so far has been treating me well! I can't believe it's only been one week since I've gotten out of school. School seems like it ended ages ago...but that's probably cause I'm aiming for a more eventful summer than last year. So far, I've
-hung out with friends
-played ping pong
-just talked about whatevs
-sat in the jacuzzi
-played "Tea Pong"
-walked to Coldstone
-pool hangout/swimming
-beach
-bike riding
-watched movies
-hung out with cousins
-chilled at church
There's SO much more that I have planned, I'm so excited! I've made it my goal to ride my bike every single day over the summer and so far, I've stuck to it! It's not just to tone my nasty, nasty thighs, but it's so that I'm not sitting in front of the computerfor hours and hours on end. I wish I could go to the library and check out books too! I miss reading, to be honest. I really should be sleeping, but I don't have anything to wake up early for, so screw it. I'm going to Bao's graduation, but that's at like 7..
I'M SO TIRED NOW, I'm going to bed, I don't even know if i wanna shower before I sleep? Probably not; too lazy, I'll just shower in the morning.
Sorry this is such a boring post =/ I'm currently working on another post, and I'm sure this one will be better!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Study, Social, Summer
Finals week is coming up. God I’m so nervous… I have an 84% in math right now and on Friday I took my math test, which I’m sure I did a real shitty job on. I’m guess I’m pretty nervous for about everything. I have a 94% in English, which I was not expecting. I don’t even know how I let myself slip 3%. It’s okay though, I pretty thoroughly understand Romeo and Juliet and my book report will be kick ass so I think I’ll be fine. I’m hardly worried about Bio cause I have a 97% and it’s not a cumulative test, but we just presented out HUGE projects, so I don’t know how much my grade will be dropped by that…
Anyhow, I’ve been hanging out with my friends more. I love getting out of the house and just going to someone’s house or going shopping. I hate sitting at home on the computer destroying my eyes or lazing around binging like there’s no tomorrow. I want to go swimming a lot this summer! This summer I’m actually going to try like crazy to exercise and get my body back in shape. I need to. Especially if I want to try out for volleyball. Can’t show up looking like a fat blob now, can I? Oh, I got a bike! I’m SO excited! It’s a 26” wheel Ladies’ Huffy Cranbrook Cruiser. It’s mint green and it’s absolutely perfect to me. :D
Today was the last day to go to the Summer Festival at Mile Square Park, but none of my friends wanted to go with me or they were going with other people, so whatevs. I hung out with Emily and Gabby on Friday though; it was so fun! We biked to the shopping center and looked around I got a new pair of sunglasses and Gabby got a dress and Emily figured out what she was wearing to her awards thing! Then we went back to Emily's house, had dinner, and hopped into the jacuzzi for over 3 hours :)
As much as I'd love to include crushes and summer plans and etc, I have to finish my stupid book report due Tuesday, so I can't write much more. Wish me luck! I'm gonna need it.. =/
Anyhow, I’ve been hanging out with my friends more. I love getting out of the house and just going to someone’s house or going shopping. I hate sitting at home on the computer destroying my eyes or lazing around binging like there’s no tomorrow. I want to go swimming a lot this summer! This summer I’m actually going to try like crazy to exercise and get my body back in shape. I need to. Especially if I want to try out for volleyball. Can’t show up looking like a fat blob now, can I? Oh, I got a bike! I’m SO excited! It’s a 26” wheel Ladies’ Huffy Cranbrook Cruiser. It’s mint green and it’s absolutely perfect to me. :D
Today was the last day to go to the Summer Festival at Mile Square Park, but none of my friends wanted to go with me or they were going with other people, so whatevs. I hung out with Emily and Gabby on Friday though; it was so fun! We biked to the shopping center and looked around I got a new pair of sunglasses and Gabby got a dress and Emily figured out what she was wearing to her awards thing! Then we went back to Emily's house, had dinner, and hopped into the jacuzzi for over 3 hours :)
As much as I'd love to include crushes and summer plans and etc, I have to finish my stupid book report due Tuesday, so I can't write much more. Wish me luck! I'm gonna need it.. =/
Saturday, June 5, 2010
I Don't Even Know
What the hell this was. It was confusing and annoying and it doesn't make sense.
So apparently, people don’t like talking to me or hanging out with me because I “sound too smart” and “act too mature”. Does that make me boring or something? The fact that I use more complex vocabulary than others and that I enjoy discussing more serious topics than parties, drinking, boys, and shopping? It makes me sad to see people talk about things like this partially because I don’t very many people who would want to talk to me. GOD, I WISH I WAS INTERESTING.
You know what, I don’t even know what I want to blog about right now. I just miss writing so much because it’s always been something I could do, although I’ve been neglecting it for the past few months. I’m scared that every time I write, I’m going to get writer’s block and then become discouraged and disappointed with myself.
I don’t know how I feel right now. It’s not like the “I’m depressed and numb” feeling, it’s just..I don’t even know. I don’t know if I’m happy with myself or if I’m disappointed or anything. I just feel kind of empty and emotionless. Like my chest is too tight and my heart can’t beat properly. I don’t even know why. I feel like my life has no meaning to it, like I’m not supposed to do anything. While everyone else is out there making plans and hanging out and doing stuff, I’m just sitting here at home like I do every single week. I guess I know that if anything, I have to do something about it, but God, it’s not that easy. I can’t just waltz up to someone and be like “Hey, wanna hang out?” I don’t know if it’s gonna be awkward or anything. Just. Ugh. I’m so unhappy with myself right now. I thought I was a sociable, outgoing person. Instead, I’m just kind of stuck here not doing anything with my life, not ever trying. What’s wrong with me? I don’t really get invited anywhere. And I’ve hung out with my friends a couple times, but it’s because we had a project to work on. And everyone already has their friends from middle school and all this other stuff and it’s just. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I can’t just get in the middle and pretend that I fit in and belong because I don’t. I already know that. I’ve never been faced with this personal issue before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. God. I’m so exhausted but I don’t want to sleep. Nevermind. I just fell asleep for 10 minutes, maybe I am tired. Ugh, I don’t even know where this outburst of empty emotions is coming from. It’s just how I FEEL, but I can’t explain any of it…
So apparently, people don’t like talking to me or hanging out with me because I “sound too smart” and “act too mature”. Does that make me boring or something? The fact that I use more complex vocabulary than others and that I enjoy discussing more serious topics than parties, drinking, boys, and shopping? It makes me sad to see people talk about things like this partially because I don’t very many people who would want to talk to me. GOD, I WISH I WAS INTERESTING.
You know what, I don’t even know what I want to blog about right now. I just miss writing so much because it’s always been something I could do, although I’ve been neglecting it for the past few months. I’m scared that every time I write, I’m going to get writer’s block and then become discouraged and disappointed with myself.
I don’t know how I feel right now. It’s not like the “I’m depressed and numb” feeling, it’s just..I don’t even know. I don’t know if I’m happy with myself or if I’m disappointed or anything. I just feel kind of empty and emotionless. Like my chest is too tight and my heart can’t beat properly. I don’t even know why. I feel like my life has no meaning to it, like I’m not supposed to do anything. While everyone else is out there making plans and hanging out and doing stuff, I’m just sitting here at home like I do every single week. I guess I know that if anything, I have to do something about it, but God, it’s not that easy. I can’t just waltz up to someone and be like “Hey, wanna hang out?” I don’t know if it’s gonna be awkward or anything. Just. Ugh. I’m so unhappy with myself right now. I thought I was a sociable, outgoing person. Instead, I’m just kind of stuck here not doing anything with my life, not ever trying. What’s wrong with me? I don’t really get invited anywhere. And I’ve hung out with my friends a couple times, but it’s because we had a project to work on. And everyone already has their friends from middle school and all this other stuff and it’s just. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I can’t just get in the middle and pretend that I fit in and belong because I don’t. I already know that. I’ve never been faced with this personal issue before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. God. I’m so exhausted but I don’t want to sleep. Nevermind. I just fell asleep for 10 minutes, maybe I am tired. Ugh, I don’t even know where this outburst of empty emotions is coming from. It’s just how I FEEL, but I can’t explain any of it…
The Rain
I don't even care that this isn't a blog entry. It's just some writing I did. I'm probably going to be posting things that I just write. Since it's become rather difficult to write about myself. Which makes no sense, but enjoy.
I’m lying on my bed and I’ve accepted that no matter how hard I try, I’m not going to fall back asleep, so I open my eyes and take in the surroundings of my room. This is the only place I feel completely comfortable and even now, it looks empty. The blank walls stare back at me in a mocking manner, somehow reflecting how I feel on the inside. It’s dark outside and I can hear a soft pitter patter against the cement ground. I pull up the blinds and stare at the world before me- world meaning my backyard. The light rain decorates the bright green grass with dew and eases its way through the slick leaves. I never understood why rain was so comforting to others, but now I knew. Rain helped me feel as if the world was at peace. It was calming, soothing, and refreshing. I just sat there, drinking in the steady downfall until it came down harder, in noticeably larger droplets. My eyes began to feel heavy and my brain began to return to its state of numbness. With a short prayer that I would be able to sleep through the rest of the morning, I flipped the blinds shut, laid back down, and willed unconsciousness to take over.
I’m lying on my bed and I’ve accepted that no matter how hard I try, I’m not going to fall back asleep, so I open my eyes and take in the surroundings of my room. This is the only place I feel completely comfortable and even now, it looks empty. The blank walls stare back at me in a mocking manner, somehow reflecting how I feel on the inside. It’s dark outside and I can hear a soft pitter patter against the cement ground. I pull up the blinds and stare at the world before me- world meaning my backyard. The light rain decorates the bright green grass with dew and eases its way through the slick leaves. I never understood why rain was so comforting to others, but now I knew. Rain helped me feel as if the world was at peace. It was calming, soothing, and refreshing. I just sat there, drinking in the steady downfall until it came down harder, in noticeably larger droplets. My eyes began to feel heavy and my brain began to return to its state of numbness. With a short prayer that I would be able to sleep through the rest of the morning, I flipped the blinds shut, laid back down, and willed unconsciousness to take over.
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